Author Archives: theforeseer

I Miss You

Back In January when I first heard about Odd Future, my interest was initially peaked but then I realized I was more mature than the music they were putting out,so I fell off that bandwagon— I still got love for Tyler the Creator though. But once I heard Frank Ocean, the R&B crooner of the group, I instantly fell in love. I loved his mixtape, nostalgia/ULTRA , had it stuck on repeat for weeks, and I’ve been a fan ever since. So naturally when I heard Frank Ocean was in the studio with BEYONCE, I was in shock, I felt so proud, like he was my own brother who finally made it lol!!!


image courtesy of rap-up.com

With Beyonce’s album leaking 3 weeks early, I was on high alert for any buzz about Frank Ocean and was keenly listening to each track for evidence of his voice or sound— ‘did he made it onto the album’? And lo and behold, if my ears are correct, Track 03 I Miss You, may be the song they collabo’d on.

Here’s a link for your listening pleasure:
http://hulkshare.com/oh3o6f2ggwo5

I played this song about 4 times before I realized how much I love it. Anyone who has been in a relationship, especially a long distance one could relate to these lyrics expressing the desire to simply spend another moment with your loved one, but just can’t whether it’s due to distance, time, work, family, or for whatever reason. It applies to me personally because I’m always wanting just one more second with my dude, but time is never on my side. Listen as Beyonce taps into her emotional, and dare I say needy side as she sings on track 3 I Miss You, from her 4th studio album, 4.

Verse 1:
I thought that things like this
Get better with time
But I Still need you
why is that?
You’re the only image
In my mind
so i still see you
Around

Chorus:
I miss you like everyday
Wanna be with you
But you’re away
Said I miss you
Missing you insane
But if I died with you
Could it feel the same?

Verse 2:
The words don’t ever seem
To come out right
But I still mean them
Why is that?
It hurts my pride
To tell you how I feel
But I still need to
Why is that?

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Insecurities

With all of this debate about natural vs relaxed hair, I’m sure all the ladies who’ve been tuning in have developed opinions regarding the matter. I know I have. I want so bad to just BE ME, and just stop with the weaves and relaxers, but it’s not so simple. I wish it was as easy as cutting the relaxed ends off and co-washing daily to maintain a cute and polished look. But similar to everything else in my life, its much more complex than that.

You see, according to Andre’s hair typing chart, I have 4C hair, the kinkiest, coiliest, wolliest, hair you’ve ever witnessed and no this is not by any means a gift. It is also very weak, dry, and unmanageable which hence makes it prone to unavoidable breakage. I’m not sure I will ever grow to fully accept my hair because I’m well aware that it’s not as beautiful as the longer silkier strands other women were blessed with. And even if I find it to be beautiful some days, I know society won’t agree, and as a social being, this affects me. I often look at myself and wonder ‘why was I cursed with this hair’? And I say to myself, “wow, if I had so-and-so’s hair, I would be poppin, can’t tell me nothing!!” But I don’t…. so does that make me less beautiful? To be honest, yes.

Especially when there are articles written to express very common yet hidden sentiments like those of Japanese writer, Satoshi¬†¬† Kanazawa, who wrote an article explaining why black women were the least attractive race, and thus least desirable. It has since been retracted, but he can rest assured that the damage has already been done. He basically solidified what us black women have secretly pondered each time we saw a fine black man with a woman of another race, or even a light skinned version of herself. Why didn’t he choose me? Is it my nose, my hair, my skintone, my shape? We pick at ourselves asking, What could it be?

For me, its my hair. I’ve never developed the self-esteem to proudly rock my natural textured hair as a big F-you to society’s standard of beauty. I hardly even rock my relaxed hair. Weaves have been my crutch for so long, I think I’m addicted- But it’s not “me”. I’ve never grown to just accept what the good Lord has given me and make it work like nobody’s business. I’ve never looked in the mirror au naturale and said back to my reflection how beautiful it is. But I want to.

I’m not that bad looking, I’m an average black woman, average height, slender build, average looks. It’s just hard to see the natural beauty within when the external forces which are so much stronger are telling you otherwise.

But how can we quantify beauty when it’s uncontrollable? What even gives any of us the right to do so? Aren’t we all considered beautiful since we are made in God’s image and likeness? We are all reflections of God love and life. Yet, we don’t see it within ourselves or each other. I just hope one day all the children of the African diaspora will gather for unity’s sake and come to accept ourselves as is.

Keep It Going, The Floacist feat Raheem Devaughn

His vibe is hypnotic,
I’d offer him my heart, but he’s already got it.
Mystically he feels right,
Like symbiotic,
Our pillow talk is prophetic.
He fills me up

I’ve always enjoyed Floetry’s music, so naturally I was disappointed when I heard they were splitting up. Nevertheless, I’ve been following both of their careers and am pleased with the progress both ladies are making individually. By making timeless music which will speak to listeners for generations to come, they are the defining themselves as true artists with true talent.

This song, ‘Keep It Going’ was a favorite of mine on the Floetic Soul album ever since Raheem Devaughn released that one raunchy video, She’s Single. Whew…! When the Floacist posted the link to this video, I immediately tuned in, and as I was watching, I realized how much the second verse really spoke to me and my current situation. I’m about to go add this to my playlist.

Obsession

ever since I’ve met him, something in my thought patterns shifted. My each and every whimsical, seemingly useless, random, musing has somehow connected back to him. It never fails. I have to sit and ponder at times because I can’t get my mind to grasp these happenings. How did he encapture my entire being so smoothly? …so swiftly? …and why? …when? Why did I not have control of this? And when did I relinquish it?

I’ve even tried to make myself better, a better lover, homie, friend, but only as it pertains to him and his ideas. I want to eat healthier, be more creative, finally find it within me to let go, and discover all the joys of love in life. Eat, play, love.

Sometimes it hurts when I realize I want more from this, from us, than what could ever be. But I still hold on to that last thread of hope, all while wishing it will be the one to break his back. One day maybe he will finally see the good in me, and see the phenomenal woman I’ve blossomed into becoming upon having met him. Doesn’t he see the overwhelmingly positive influence and impact he’s had on my life? Why doesn’t it make him want to stick around to witness the full metamorphosis? Every time we reconcile, its sweeter and sweeter. The love we make is so divine, I’ve never had another who even partially compares. His scent, appearance, appeal, aura, ambiance, all ignite this fiery Passion I’ve always known I surely had, but have forever found it so difficult to simply tap in to, much less to turn it on. Isn’t this love? Or its beginning stages?

There must be a concrete reason as to why he won’t choose me. I believe its because he knows he’s deserving of a woman who has already blossomed and come into her own, on her own. This is without assistance from a man. The fact that I’ve become dependent on him to become myself, or some semblance of myself must be a turn-off to someone so unique. An original individual. He wants a Woman who is already independent and strong enough to raise and nurture a growing household.

That’s not me…

and maybe he knows my dirty little secret. It may never be me.